How Japanese people think Harmony is the greatest of virtues
The culture of sumimasen
Foreigners who come to Japan may be surprised by how often Japanese people apologize and compromise. Even when ordering at a restaurant, they use the word “sumimasen" to apologize. Young mothers bow and say “sumimasen" and “no, no, thank you, sorry," and office workers hold out their hands and compromise on others, saying “please, go first," and “you go first," and you can see them all over the city.
“Sumimasen" is a magic word for Japanese people. If you don’t know how to talk to someone, you can’t go wrong by using this word. “Sumimasen" in this case is a sign of gratitude for taking up the other person’s time.
Even when Japanese people make a mistake, if they realize they were wrong, adults will apologize sincerely, except for small children. They don’t think about not apologizing because admitting their mistake will put them at a disadvantage. They think it’s more important for the situation to be peaceful than for it to be disadvantageous to them. They say that they make a settled things peacefully.but it’s difficult for foreigners to understand that.
Even in arguments, they are not good at defeating the other person and cornering them. Rather than pushing through my own opinion, they try to gather the opinions of all the participants. It may seem impossible, but since everyone gradually modifies their own opinion, it takes time, but it is possible. If a foreigner sees it, they may think it is an inefficient way of doing things.
Harmony is the greatest of virtues
The basis of this way of thinking is the idea of "Harmony is the greatest of virtues" Japanese history began in the 6th century BC. About 1,200 years later, at the beginning of the 7th century, Prince Shotoku established the 17-Article Constitution, a set of moral precepts that people should follow. These words are written in the first article. Prince Shotoku was the second prince of the 31st Emperor Yomei and ruled as regent. It is said that the prince could listen to eight people at once.
“Harmony" is when people get along without fighting. It is not about suppressing your own feelings and emotions to an extreme degree, or ignoring the feelings and opinions of others and getting along on the surface, but about respecting each other and cooperating. “Harmony is the greatest of virtues" means that the heart that values harmony is precious.
Ever since Prince Shotoku established the 17-Article Constitution, the Japanese have faithfully adhered to this principle. It was important even in the days when the nations were divided into small nations and fighting each other. Rather than fighting to get everything for themselves, it is better to give up some things and avoid conflict, which results in less loss for both sides. If the conditions were within the range of compromise, they chose to avoid fighting.
This idea was born and has been protected because Japan was a single dynasty, had almost the same ethnic group, most of whom were Buddhists, and was an island nation with almost no invasions by other ethnic groups, allowing people to live in groups that could understand each other. In addition, Japan was rich in nature and water, so there was no need for thorough conflict. This idea was born in a rare environment in the world, but don’t you think it’s a good idea for people who want peace?
Kyoto’s Bubuzuke
Although this society values harmony, as long as people are human, there will be different opinions and people who disturb harmony. What do we do in such a situation? A typical example can be seen in the society of Kyoto, the oldest city in Japan. There is a story called “Kyoto’s Bubuzuke."
A person visits an old house in Kyoto. The conversation is lively and time passes quickly. At that time, the master of the old house said, “It’s getting late. Would you like some bubuzuke?" Bubuzuke is ochazuke, a light meal of rice with tea poured over it. The guest hurriedly got up from his seat, saying, “Oh, it’s already this late. Sorry."
Do you understand this story? Normally, you would say, “Thank you. I’ll have some." But in this case, the “bubuzuke" is the master’s expression of intent, “Please leave soon," and the guest’s response is correct. In Kyoto, it is customary to convey requests very indirectly so as not to offend the other person.
As expected, there are no such extreme examples in modern times. The story of “Kyoto’s bubuzuke" is told with interest as a symbol of the closed-mindedness and nastiness of Kyoto people. However, Japanese society, even if it is not as extreme as Kyoto, has the custom of conveying requests to others indirectly rather than directly. Instead of saying, “Please leave soon," you would say, “It’s a good time, isn’t it?" It is important not to cause offense.
Those who disturb harmony are quietly eliminated
So what happens when someone in a group disrupts harmony? First, the person is told the euphemistic message “You are disrupting harmony." It is rare to be told directly that “You are wrong." What happens if the situation does not change even after the message is sent several times? The members of the group leave the area around the disrupting person.
The disrupting person is actually ostracized. They are quietly excluded without fighting with the person. This is scary. It also has a strong gloomy feeling. It is very difficult for foreigners to understand the feeling of disrupting harmony and the standards of exclusion. It is natural that they think it is exclusive and cold.
This is because even Japanese people sometimes do not understand. It is common that they do not understand the feeling of disrupting harmony or the message that is conveyed. It is difficult for those who exclude to clearly communicate the reason for exclusion because the atmosphere is vaguely shared. It would be fine to argue, saying “You are wrong here," but because there is a strong desire to avoid conflict, the discussion does not come to fruition.
This method of maintaining order in a group without fighting has been developed over a long history, but it is very difficult for a third party to understand. It can be said to be the dark side of the culture of harmony, which can only be understood by those who share the same consciousness. However, it is rare to fall into such a situation. There are about three main reasons. The first is not following culture and customs, the second is not following social rules, and the third is being aggressive. If you are careful of these, the power of the dark side will not be exerted.
Harmony is the most important thing
When you know about this custom, you may think that the Japanese are a sneaky and spiteful people, but in reality they are kind, cheerful, and serious people. They are like polite hobbits from The Lord of the Rings. They are also similar in that they are shy. The spirit of “wa wo mote totoshi" (harmony is precious) has been passed down to the Japanese people.
That is why modern Japanese people often apologize, give in often, and avoid conflicts. Words such as “sumimasen," “dozo," and “osaki ni" are overflowing in the streets. On the other hand, there is little shouting, arguing, or loud honking of car horns, and it is quiet (although this seems to be changing a little recently). If everyone gives in to each other, there is no need for arguing or honking of the car horn.
The idea of "harmony is the most important thing" creates a quiet and peaceful city and society. If you wonder why Japanese people are so quick to apologize, or why they don’t assert themselves, remember “harmony is the most important thing." Japanese people choose a way of life where the whole society benefits even if an individual suffers a small loss. Their top priority is not to fight. It may seem like a weak way of life, and you may not like it, but once you get used to it, the world of harmony is quite a nice place.